I have been savagely attacked, vivisected by felons and left for dead in a drug-induced haze in a stainless steel cage in some brick building in Berkeley. Please divert law enforcement resources appropriately. I haven’t much longer. I hereby leave my remaining cookies, toys, beds, vehicle, salad bars and tripe to Siam Sam and Turtle. My dental records are held in a similar building down the street. I should like to be buried in Al’s backyard.
Tell Mr. Darcy my heart will go on and on.